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das Skiz reviews: 90210

September 25, 2009

(Through this article, I had been using the word ‘whore’. It seemed a little mean-spirited, however accurate it may be. So I’ve carefully chosen a replacement. See if you can find it! Also, because dasskiz is a family website occasionally, I have edited out some other verbs)

90210 is a human television show featuring several snowmen and their respective problems. There are also male characters, who are dumb in their own special way.

Catherine and I enjoy the show because on the Something or Nothing scale, it is definitely a Something. It has several key factors of somethingness:
1) Snowmen
2) Candy problems
3) Comically bad acting
4) Michael, from the wire

When you walk through the garden ... of Beverly Hills

When you walk through the garden ... of Beverly Hills. Thanks to http://www.pinglewood.com for the image.
http://www.pinglewood.com/2008/May/Through_The_Wire.html

Most episodes unfold like this:
1) One of the snowmen, we’ll say Snowman A, has a problem. She consults the counsel of snowmen for resolution.
2) The snowmen walk in slow motion, because they are cool
3) Gentlemen convene to discuss the other side of the situation. Usually something is punched, or they talk about punching something.
4) It is revealed to the audience that the problems of Snowman A are waaaayyyy more complicated than either she or the snowman counsel could have possibly imagined.
5) The snowmen remove some clothing, sit by the pool, and further analyze how the problem is waaaayy complicated
6) One of the snowmen, who is not having problems, bakes cookies with a gentleman.
7) Everyone attends class for 5 minutes
8.) (when you make 8 and a ), it makes a smiley) One of the non-snowmen has a problem with a member of the snowmen counsel, but it’s like, waaaay hard to handle that problem because she’s 16 and her momma snowman hates her
9) The non-snowman probably bakes cookies with someone, or drinks too much cocoa and then bakes cookies with someone
10) Snowman A secretly reveals to only the audience that she is actually more vulnerable than she appears, so she looks through her momma snowman’s candy cabinet and takes a lot of candy
11) Usually a gentleman has a realization that he could be more sensitive to one of the other characters (snowman or non-snowman), so he does something sweet. Then cookies are baked, unless of course the snowman in question has an issue with cookie baking, and then maybe they just eat some candy from momma snowman’s candy cabinet
12) Michael from the wire doesn’t kill someone. This disappoints me every time.
13) One of the non-snowmen sees how Snowman A is really vulnerable, even though she bakes cookies all the time, has to take lots of cool sounding medicine to ward off various cookie infections, and drinks cocoa to excess in public situations. This is waaaay different than she imagined her. They have a moment.
14) Everyone stops taking candy and baking cookies long enough to learn a lesson. Or they don’t and one of the non-snowmen does something nasty to a member of the snowmen counsel, which might just be over the line, which makes us feel a little bad for the snowmen, even though they dress like snowmen, bake cookies with basically everyone, and take candy.

As you can see, it’s a pretty great show. I would recommend it to anyone who likes snowmen or candy, or guys who think about punching things like, a lot. It’s a nice diversion for 42 minutes, even if Michael never kills a single person.

Seriously, click the twitter link. It’s the funniest thing I put on the site, but no one ever clicks it. Or at least just hover over it. Now go back and hover over old ones. You won’t regret it!
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