Avoid Bikini Beach

January 16, 2010

While perusing fancast (comcast’s online library of movie and tv), I noticed that one of their selections was Vampires on Bikini Beach. I checked this movie out on IMDB because how can you not? It sounds like something we would have made up in the lab. During a conversation I just had with KDawg, I relayed to him a teevee show idea where vampires would be accidentally teleported back in time to the 1950s and be faced with Quantum Leap style challenges. Also, there would be a ton of hilarious misunderstandings, since they were from modern times which have colors, and now they would be stuck in the 50s, which we know was black and white. That lead to this exchange between me and KDawg:

Me: There would be all sorts of confusion, since the 1950s were completely black and white, yet they’re used to color.
KDawg: You know the 50s were actually in color?
Me: No they weren’t. Check the tapes.
KDawg: Touche.

Anyway, more of that in another post. After reading the ridiculous description of what happens when Vampires meet Bikini Beach, I had a grim thought: I think Bikini Beach is probably a very dangerous place. For instance ‘Horrible Thing X at Bikini Beach’ seems like a pretty popular movie title. Here’s what I uncovered.

The following terrible things have happened at Bikini Beach in IMDB movies:
Doomsday, Monsters, Vampires

The following decently non-terrible things have happened at Bikini Beach:
Party, Race

Let’s qualify those non-terrible things. Bikini Beach Party was only released in the Philippines, and there were no details. It’s unclear if terrible things happened there or not. Dana Plato starred in Bikini Beach Race, which isn’t exactly a good omen for having a race there.

There was also one movie called Bikini Beach, which I think is fairly famous. That seemed to document some youngsters who enjoyed Bikini Beach, and a guy who thought that his pet chimpanzee was smarter than those people. I did not make that up.

Here’s the bottom line: Don’t go to Bikini Beach. Ever. Sure, it might sound like a good idea, but there is a really great chance that you will die. Go to something like, One Piece Beach or Regular Ass Beach. You have to have a much greater chance of survival, and a greatly increased chance of not meeting something supernatural.